The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
