dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
