Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
