You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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