I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
