someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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