garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
