Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
