New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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