Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
