My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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