forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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