I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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