Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
