Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
