I hope mine doesn't look like that
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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