If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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