I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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