I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
