Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
