By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
