I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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