so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
