no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
