I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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