i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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