The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
