everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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