He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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