You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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