I wanna passion pit in your ass
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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