I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
