ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
