Moan for me like Helen Keller
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
