I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
