Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize