There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
