"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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