Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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