Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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