I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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