I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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