When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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