too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
