new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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