I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
this must be what syphilis tastes like
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I want a musical about memes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
