There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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