I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think people are normalizing furries
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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