You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
