you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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