i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
