Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you had me at cake vodka
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
