i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
