Im at strip club and am horny
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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