If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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