bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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