my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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