OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im holly from the hills drunk
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
