I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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