I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize