He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
