whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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