at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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