so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
