Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
