The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize