well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize