I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
