My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
