would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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