The maid of honor just puked.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
